i was given some advice recently by a woman i very much respect (lucy tolmach, director of horticulture, filoli center) to be more proactive. this was in regards to my hesitation and slow-to-action-ness towards getting my drivers' permit, and how easily i sort of caved to set-backs and problems. well, i have just this weekend achieved my drivers' permit (for the second time), and i am sure she will be very proud of me (but not completely proud, not before i get my license...oh, and i have to set an appointment for that today), but i've been thinking a lot recently about how proactive i am in situations in my life. there are certain things that i really have a very hard time accomplishing on my own. for example, i hate making phone calls- especially to people i don't know that well, and occasionally to people who are actually my friends (luckily, i do not have that many friends :)). i remember my mom getting so frustrated with me as a teenager because it was like pulling teeth trying to get me to return people's calls (ha- i was probably the only teenage girl who cringed every time she was "forced" to talk on the phone) for another example, i really hated dealing with financial aid/fafsa/other financial forms when at scripps. in some cases, i hate doing something so much that my brain actively refuses to engage and learn from the experience, so i absorb nothing and have to go through the same thing the next year.
ok, maybe i'll just go on and list all the things...
1- phone calls
2- financial forms, taxes, w2s, etc.
3- getting my drivers' permit
4- talking to people, communicating, making an effort with relationships. i actually had a victory with this one this weekend. i am staying with a family while completing my internship at filoli, and instead of paying rent (which i would NEVER be able to afford. not for these accommodations. not in atherton. ever) i give them eight hours of my time per week, generally for work in their gardens. i have actually had a really really hard time with this. and here is the reason: i feel like there's really nothing for me to do. they have gardeners come once a week for about two hours, and they take care of the big stuff like mowing, clearing brush, blowing the paths and patios, etc. this leaves me with pulling three or four weeds and snipping at things, desperately trying to do something good and noticeable and helpful. you know, trying to actually "pay" my rent. but their yard doesn't need an additional eight hours of work...and my conscience will definitely not let me take advantage of the situation. nor will i just waste my time (and their's) by idly doing some random gardening so slowly that it manages to fill eight hours. so, yesterday morning, i took a deeeeeep breath, and....wrote lb an email. i'm less awkward in text form. and i was able to express my concern- that i wasn't being a great guest, that i wanted to do work that really made them pleased to have me, etc. and sent it off into the webosphere. and today i got a great email back from lb. and when they get back from annie's soccer game, i will go and speak with her verbally.
so all that to say that i am really pleased with god giving me the push to send that note and initiate some communication. and i know it was god because i didn't have any plans to write that email until about fifteen minutes before i sent it, when i felt suddenly overwhelmed with worry that i was not holding up my end of the bargain to the best of my ability, and compelled to compose this note.
also, i almost forgot to add, i set up an account with ing direct yesterday afternoon. i have been wanting to do that for six months (jeez- i've been graduated that long??), but since it has to do with money (my money) and the internet (there is a little old fogey-lady trapped in my head and she is still convinced that this is all just a big fad and will blow over in a couple of years...), and scary financial-wall-street words...i have been too much a chicken to go through with it. but no longer...and in just a few days, my savings will be doing me a favor by generating some free moneys. and i will like that. very much.
with all of these things, i am learning, it really is better (as nike, unfortunately, puts it best) to just do it. (that's right, in bold-italic! it's so important that i have decided to break the rules of good typography. sorry, prof maryatt...)
now i'm going to do laundry, and then i am going to draw. and i don't know how i came to stumble upon feanne's daily drawings (see link at left) in the first place, but her work really does inspire me. and today she is the one who inspires me to clean them rapidographs and do something i'll be really happy with.